Let’s give you the picturesque scene of my afternoon -the largest cup of coffee (Rosso, naturally) and sunshine pouring into my kitchen, surrounded by a little bit of chaos (I do have a four year old) and beauty (I do have a penchant for Scandinavian Boho aesthetics), listening to one of my favourite podcasts (The Bird’s Papaya, hello!). Journaling these thoughts might be a little 2006, but I’m here sharing in a very weird time. I am ever so grateful for the abundant means of connection right now. To listen, to speak, to share. Despite being vastly spread out, we have the ability to feel close. So here I am, doing my part. Grab your own coffee and let’s imagine we picked up where we left off of from our last session in the studio.
So much of my life before Scout was good. What I am learning is that good can be the most effective enemy of great. I had a good job, hobbies, church and family life. The good was also shadowed by an internal struggle. I was run by my emotions, exhausted all the time, gaining weight, paranoid and felt like I was stuck in a yoyo where half the time I was reliable, in control and motivated while the other half I was falling apart. Last year around this time, my life was about to turn upside down on me. Kind of forcing the good things out. alot of them we were able to prepare for, others not. what i could see was that the comfortable structures of my life were pivoting. All the while, the small voice crying for help was getting louder to a point I couldn’t ignore. Although there were many opportunities for me to seek out help, the catalyst for me was Scout. Starting my own business was something I’ve been dreaming of to have the creative control to be the artist that I am. But with solo entrepreneurship comes a lot of hats to wear. So, what do you do with limited cash flow and a need for education? Welcome the internet! One of my favourite instagram accounts had recently started a podcast for female entrepreneurs (Boss Babe Inc). It is full of crazy good content with a holistic approach to business, health and lifestyle - all the while, crushing your goals. I joined their online community (the Societe) and it was probably one of the best investments I’ve made. One of their podcasts had a guest speaker discussing how as women we should be using our menstrual cycle to guide our business flows. Brilliant right? Well I started taking into account what mine was like.
Maybe this is TMI, but we’re here. Since mine was like clock work, it seemed “normal”, but with it came so many disruptions to my life. At this point, I’m thinking, Okay so now that I’m my own boss, I can schedule around my fatigue and luteal migraines and choose to do my creative and networking during the follicular phase when I’m at my best. After chatting with my best friend, who is a counsellor also interested in biohacking, we came to the real gritty stuff. Beyond breast tenderness and brain fog. as my best friend of 16 years, we’ve had conversations about my mental health, but when she connected it with my period, I was shook. I had never noticed that the nights where I’m up at 2 am sobbing in the tub with paranoid or suicidal thoughts were also during my cycle. The days that I felt these episodes coming on were when the voice was loudest. I could come down from them with my spiritual practice, but it did not protect me from the cycle of my body. As suddenly as they would come, they would turn off, so I would end up gas lighting myself, not knowing what feelings or thoughts i was able to trust. Until Scout. Until I had the language and tools to understand why I had been settling and struggling. Why my life was only good (half of the time). So much had to be taken away for me to see the roots of my struggle. That is when I was diagnosed with Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. A rare condition with women where the physical and mental symptoms of PMS are so profoundly difficult that it disrupts your entire life.
This diagnosis has been utter gold. Not only did it show me that so much of my failings were not about my character (trust me, the self hatred is strong after two weeks of falling apart consistently month after month). it put me on the path to get through this. It was the hope that I needed to know that I did not have to live this corpse life anymore and there are ways to battle it. some of them things i haven’t been motivated to do until now. My PMDD directly effects my entire life (and my family’s) and now I have an opportunity to choose how to make it great. It’s realigned my priorities, schedule and what our family funnels our attention to. I will admit, having an illness that is cyclical gives me the advantage of knowing when it’s coming to prepare adequately. How strange that something as simple as a business podcast could change the entire trajectory of my life. Without Scout, I’m not sure how long I would have settled for good because in the dark periods, it wasn’t good enough. it’s forced hard conversations in my marriage, pushed me to start moving my body again + remember who “dayna” really is. the person maybe you already know, but i’ve forgotten. I also want to thank YOU because Scout was born to be a place of connection through beauty. I’ve discovered that that is one of the greatest remedies to pain and suffering. and you’ve shown up and continue to. if you think your brow sessions with me are small things, know that they have amounted to giving me life. Hearing your stories is inspiring to me and maybe when we get back to waxing, laminating, tinting and microblading (and all the brow things) in the studio, we can do more of that in person. But until then, thank you for listening to mine. Feel free to share what podcasts have been inspiring to you right now.
Love #yourgirlScout